Monday, 26 December 2011

Another letter.

I awoke in the motel
to that sound of another
letter being posted
under the door.

I had almost
forgotten about
these letters.

I had been
so busy.

I picked it up.
I opened it.
I read.

"Dear Jules,

I know it has been a long time since we last conversed, but my work brings me near Whitechapel in a week or so and I see no harm in us comparing notes with each other over a cup of tea. Of course if you have other responsibilities then I understand.

"It is just that the last time I received correspondence from you, you were unable to get anything new on this "Father" of yours. Do you believe he is of any relation to Mother?" That was crossed out. "Apologies, I overstepped my mark here. We both do jobs for our Country, do we not?

"However I miss you, I wish we could be sanctioned. I really do.

"I am sorry, my love.

Yours, Ember Fay."

I went outside and
took a match to it.
I do not actually
know why I did.

I suppose it was
because it felt right.

Salome has been
getting better.
She is allowed to
move at least.

She is talking,
I know the one
I am looking for.



That would
be telling.

Would it not?

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Merry Christmas

Recently I have
been "killing time"
rather than people.

Salome awoke
late night
three days ago.
She is not in the
best of ways.

She has had her neck
braced to prevent her
from moving it too much
and starting the bleed again.

Also she has not been
able to speak or really 
do anything.

Although she did try and
curse at the doctors. Which
is good to know I suppose.

Unfortunately this means 
that the name of the one 
I need to find to well, 
find Felix Felidae, 
is still in her head.

I have only been able to
be properly with her
during hospital hours.
So I have been going
between the hospital 
and a motel nearby.

Every day she seems
more scared, and then
the doctors up her pain

Felix keeps saying that
I should let him kill her.
But I will not let her die.
Not now. Not after what-

Not after what we have been through together.
If Christmas is to be spent with family, 
then I will certainly spend it with Salome.

Even if she does threaten to kill me. 

Ember Fay

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Moses continued

Sorry, I am a
little calmer now.
Back to what happened.

It felt like a few minutes
had passed, I lowered my
gun from the door and
took the magazine out.

I was struggling to load
a couple of extra bullets 
into the magazine for my pistol.
I was trembling too much.

I kept dropping them.

Salome tapped me 
on the shoulder.
She was shaky on her
feet, but calmer now.

She smiled a little at me. 
"Silly rabbit, reloading 
"will be too slow. Once 
"you run out of rounds..."

"Use your knife."

A couple of moments
later I shouted 
through the door. 

"Look! We don't 
want to hurt you. If 
you want to leave,
we will let you live."

Their response was 
not the best we could 
have had.

"He protected us! 
You've killed us all! 
This is your fault!"

Salome frowned a little.
"Moses sacrificed you to him.
You know that right?
He tried to sacrifice me!"

Moses led us 
one by one
to salvation!"

It was a woman's voice
this time, I could hear 
children crying. 

Salome glanced at me,
we knew we had to fight.
I had tried to talk our way
out of this situation.

I handed her her gun,
and she spent
ten seconds
preparing it.

We tugged on our masks.
And then we were ready.
I gently twisted
the key, unlocking it.

I heard a shout, someone
kicked the door open and
lunged through with a knife.

He fell with a single
shot to the head
from Salome's gun.

She gestured for me
to go first.
Of course I went first.
I was stupid like that.

Those who did not run.
They fought.
We killed them.

I ran out of rounds,
I holstered the gun
and tugged out my knife.

It all felt so slow.

Salome shot over my shoulder,
catching a man I had not noticed
in the chest, he fell.

Then I felt her
do the same,
forward into me.

I caught her, 
lowering her down.

I killed three of them,
there was a man,
protecting a woman
and a little boy.

He held the knife out
holding it toward me.

I told him to run, turning
toward Salome, she
had a knife embedded
in her neck.

She was bleeding heavily.
There was so much blood...
I half carried her, half dragged
her out of there.

Then I put pressure on the
wound and called Fixer.
He was near, he got us
out of there, but she was
taken to hospital.

She is still unconscious.
The wound had nicked the
blood vessel on her neck.

He said there was nothing that
I could do for her and that I was
to leave her.

He said that
Salome needs to
wake up soon.

Or else

Or else Mother would
"have to cut her losses."

Mother is a cunt.

I am sick and tired of
killing with no reason why.
I do not even know who
I even work for.

I am not a blind follower.
I need answers.
I am not leaving Salome.

Monday, 19 December 2011


I suppose first
of all I should
say that I am
sorry for the delay.

I sat down to post.
But, just...
Nothing happened.

I did not know what
I was supposed to say.

I keep thinking about her.

That little girl and her
"Mister Smiles."

Salome was right, it is
easier to just drift.
When you kill,
you cannot think.

Thinking kills you.

We were after a man,
a runner who went
by the name of "Moses."

Apparently he was
running a personality
cult for local runners 
in South Carolina.

He claimed he would lead
them to safety.
He was just using them
to protect himself.

We were posing as "runners."

There were five people upon
us in a matter of seconds as
we walked into the abandoned
church that they occupied.

They wore hoodies,
they were armed
with knives, the kind
you find in the kitchen.

Two of guns as well that I saw.
They took us to him.

You could see people, 
twenty or so sleeping
on the pews.

There were a couple
of families there as well.
They were not for us to kill.

Then we met him, Moses.
He was thirty years old perhaps,
with a great big beard that added
perhaps a decade to him.

He smiled at us.
Welcomed us and told us
that he would keep us safe,
from what I cannot see.

He told Salome to be
disarmed. She handed 
her gun to me.

He led Salome off 
into a side room. 

I do not know 
what happened.
The next thing I know 
there was shouting.

I pulled my gun,
I took two people down as I
backed into the vestry
where Salome was.

I locked the door behind us,
looking for another way out.

From a glance,
There was a bed there,
he had been stabbed upon it
three times in the chest.

Then his throat was slit.
She had kept her boot knife.

Salome looked at me,
she was wide eyed.
I needed to get her out of there,
she was in danger.

"He was there." She kept on
whispering to herself. 
Over and over again.
London bridge is falling down.

They started hammering on
the door, they were trying to
get inside.

No doubt they were armed.

I held her, trying to get her to
remember we had to fight.
I could not take on twenty people
on my own. I needed her.

She started london bridge crying.
They were hammering still.
I didn't know what to do.

I shot once or twice at
the door. The london bridge wood was brittle.
It kept them away, and I heard
shouting on the other side.

Either way, they had given us
a little bit of room to breathe.

Either way we had
been london backed 
into bridge a corner.

I don't myfairlady want to 
continue right now.

Another time, maybe tomorrow, maybe not.

Ember Fay

Sunday, 18 December 2011

So many questions. So much time.

When you killed Lucas, you stayed there for hours didn't you? You were just watching him. You cried over him. You mourned him. You were cold. Your heart froze over. You hated it didn't you? Being out there. You hated yourself. You were a monster, what you think we designed you to be. A killer. An assassin.

Then salome came, she had followed you, watched you mourning. She hugged you, didn't she? She said. "Do you want to die?" And what was it you said? You said "No. I have too many questions to die."

You didn't blame yourself for the death, not really. You had solace in the fact it was him or you.

That is a lie, you kill because we make you. That is true. But you chose what you were to be. Not we. What is important, is that you chose to be hope for us. You are hope Ember.

When we meet, perhaps I will answer some of those questions you hold so dear to you.

Perhaps not.

We shall see my dear Ember Fay. We shall see.

Felix Felidae

Sunday, 11 December 2011




I we

We met up with the Fixer,
the man we met earlier.
After what happened.

He smiled at us as we walked
into his home.

It was a small apartment,
down south somewhere,
states and cities still confuse me.


When he saw Salome's arm,
he tutted like a teacher to a child,
despite the fact he is younger.

He was alone, his partner was
nowhere to be found.

So I asked him about it as he
was tugging them out of her arm
with a pair of tweezers.

"He saw him, he freaked out and he 
tried to run away. You know how it is.
So I shot him in the back as he ran."



"You you shot him? Why?"
"Because that is what 
"happens to everyone."
"What do you mean?"

He looked at 
Salome accusingly, 
"You haven't given 
Ember the deal?"

She glanced back at 
him and he suddenly
worked out something. 
I guess it was about me.

"Cowardice always ends
in your death. Your torture
as well, you know. He-
We were close. Torture was
too much of a punishment."

He smiled at me widely.
"You have such nice hair. 
Would you let me dye it?"

And so it went on...

I could think about nothing else
but what he said. Or rather, 
what was worse than cowardice.
Maybe it was that which I cannot see.

Maybe I do not want 
to remember after all.
It is so difficult to think
without being overwhelmed.

Saturday, 10 December 2011

So confused

We arrived where
we were supposed
to be, outside a
small, detached
suburban house.

It was difficult, 
the car broke down
half way, and so we
had to get it fixed.

Hence the delay.

Just outside of 
Springfield, Illinois

It looked decrepit,
tired even, like it
had been abandoned
for a long time.

As we walked
across the cobblestone
path, Salome held
her arm out before me.

She had spotted a tripwire.

She stepped over it,
drawing her gun.
I did the same,
safety off, finger
off the trigger.

I knelt by the tripwire,
there was a flash bang,
with the pin connected
to the wire.

Salome had trained me
how to use them.

An early warning system?

They were prepared for us.
Salome knocked on the door,
glancing through the eyehole as
I heard a shout. "Go away!"

"Listen! FBI. We just want to
talk to you." She called after.
She is a good liar.

I was right near the door when a hole
splintered away from a shotgun
blast on the other side.
Salome caught splinters along her side.

But she did not seem hurt, but
she let me kick the door open.
I took the lead,
I saw him with a shotgun.

Running into a room to the left.

"When you do this,
you need to find a calm.
You cannot allow adrenaline
to control you."

That was what Salome told me.

Either way, it was like
everything was in slow
motion. Especially when
survival is my priority.

He had it shouldered,
and as soon as I poked
my head around the corner.


The wall above me exploded.
I was showered in plaster.
I brought myself into the doorway
as he pumped it and gave
him two shots to his chest.

He fell with a sickening thud.

I moved toward him, salome clearing
the other half of the ground floor.
I picked up his shotgun.
Shouldering it like he did.

He was older, greying, maybe
forty or fifty. He wore a
wedding band.

Salome went upstairs.
I heard a single shot
and then nothing else.

I ran up after her,
she was standing there.

Then I saw her, a little girl.
She had a gun, fit for her hands.
A little two shot derringer.
It was smoking.

She was only about nine or ten.
Long blonde hair and a blue dress.
Her smile... Her smile is still with me.
The malice she showed...

She was pointing at Salome,
then at me, then back again.
Her mother, I presume, was on the 
floor. She had been shot in the back.

It then dawned on me that
she had killed her, not Salome.
"Thankyou." She spoke quietly.

"Mister Smiles will be pleased."

"Oh! And are you Ember Fay?"
I blinked from behind the mask.
"Yes. That is me."

"I have a note for you.
"He called himself
"Felix Felidae."

She walked casually
toward the bed,
tugging a note from
under her pillow.

She handed it to me.
I pocketed it and she
smiled wide at me.

"I'll be off then.
"I need to see 
"Mister Smiles again."  

She practically
skipped past us
out of the house.

Salome ran after her.
"Hey! Wait!"
I gave chase.

She was stood outside.
Looking around like a
woman possessed.
The little girl was gone.

Salome took off her mask.
Staring at me.
Her left arm was full of
splinters from the door.

You could see the specks of
blood on her shirt sleeve.

She said it wasn't life 
threatening though.
She said she was fine.

Either way we left quickly.
Hopefully no one called the police.

I read the note
on the way back.
I cannot drive, and
Salome is having
issues with driving
due to her injuries.

But the message.
It was short.

"Why focus on David when you
can have all of your memories back?
Really, you could do far better.
In fact, you have done.

The Ember I knew would have
never given up on the best part.

Me. :3

Felix Felidae."

Salome says she knows someone
who may be able to help.
Though it may take a while to
locate him. 

It is worth a try.

Wednesday, 7 December 2011


The last of the
bandages came
off today.

I am doing knife
training again.
Eating properly,
trying to sleep better.

It is difficult but I have
to try and get back to
normal. Or at least a 
semblance of it anyway.

They were all pretty
shallow, but some of
the deeper ones needed
more time.

They still hurt,
but I am feeling
better. I do not
feel as restricted.

Salome and I
talked the other
day about what

She told me that 
I was not the only
one who did not
wish to die.

I understand her. 
She is just like me,
but she has more

Mother had
issues with our
team work.

We needed to
prove ourselves
if we wished
to be partnered
together in the future.

She smiled at me when
she said we had a way.

There is a small family
who needed killing.
They had been
deemed a threat.

Two people.
They are armed.
They know how to
use them as well.

And they have a
daughter to protect.

We leave tomorrow.

I do not wish to have
a new partner.
Salome is good for me
in her own way.

I am not fighting for
just myself anymore.

I have to do what I
have to do for
the both of us
to survive.

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Keep Calm and try to Carry On

We got back to
the Office today.
We had to travel slower
because of pain.

Four of us altogether.
One taking watch.
The other two sleeping.

They are close,
the other team.

I... I keep them company
unless Salome's on watch.
She makes me try and sleep.

One is really tall,
maybe about my age,
whatever my age is,
I do not know my age.

Fair skinned,
blue eyes with glasses.
He called himself
a fixer. He was kind.

He was always talking about
why he should get blue hair.
How amazing it would be.

He made me think of a 
taller, happier version of Lucas.

We joked,
I was not in the mood
but he cheered me up a little.

He was the one
who properly
bandaged me up.

He said he had
been working for
Mother for years.

But recently,
they had been
stretched thin.

Which was why
they took so long
to arrive to help...

The other was well built, muscular.
A fighter like Salome,
but stronger rather than quick.

Short dark hair with tanned skin,
hollow eyes, he had seen too much.
He did not talk to me that much.
Said that he did not like to grow attached.

They left yesterday on another job.
I wish them well though.

Salome tells me
that my injuries
will have to heal

She says it is
complicated as
wounds that are
inflicted in the Office
are fine the next day.

But wounds that happen
outside do not.

I ask her why but
she just says
"Those are the rules."

I felt like I was covered
in bandages.
I did not need them.
They are not bleeding anymore.

Most of them
are not

I need to see them.
The cuts
I need to remember

Even if it hurts.

Doctor said
I am fine apart from the fact
I'm anemic and feel so tired.
He also said I was suffering from
general anxiety, which makes it
difficult for me to sleep.

I clearly have a very
good combination of issues.

I am to go back
to work in
a few days.

I do not feel fine, but
I understand what
Salome means by
dealing with pain now.

Oh, Salome's back.
She's covered in blood
and has a smile on her face.

It looks like she has
found the one
who is at fault.

"people" who are at fault.
Three of them fell down
the stairs and onto her knife.

Several times apparently.

To me,
the only one at fault is David.
I refuse to be an example to him.
I cannot allow it.

Ember Fay

Saturday, 3 December 2011

"An error somewhere."

We were on the trail of
someone named Sophie.
Salome had the full name.
Our trail led us to Denver, CO.

It is very cold here right now.

We were following her through a
busy street and then she bolted.
Salome drew her gun and
ran after her into an alleyway.

I caught up with her
just in time to see her
pinned by a man.

David Banks.
Lucas told me of him.
The man who did the kind of things.
The kind of things you see in nightmares.

I tried to pull him off of her.
He had me pinned against a wall
before I could say anything.

They talked with me still there,
Salome and David.
Salome did not shoot him.
A part of me wondered
if we were on the same side.

David wanted Sophie alive.
We needed her dead.
I did not wish her dead.
I did not wish anyone dead.

It did not mean I didn't fight him.
I... I tried to stab him.
He dodged it, but
the knife was still gripped in my hand.

Salome called my name
and I froze.
She looked at me for a moment.
I looked at her.
I knew she was going to run.
It was logical.

We had discussed it.
"Call for back up and then come back."
She didn't come back.
She didn't.

I fought.
I stabbed him properly and he didn't even notice.
I tried to shoot him.
He disarmed me.
I needed to buy her time.

He kissed me on the forehead.
He said he admired the two of us.
That it would normally be a good thing that we do not quit.
I tried to be brave.

I tried so hard to be brave...

He said he was going to enjoy this.
The look on his face panicked me.
I fought for my life.
But he did not want to take that.

Everything but my life.

He dragged me back into
a deeper part of the alleyway.
I don't know where I ended up.
I was too busy fighting him.

Then he held me down.

He tied my hands together.

He stood me up,
he held me back against wall.
Then he started humming.
London Bridge is falling down...
Then he started cutting.
Occasionally he stopped,
occasionally he...
Occasionally he would
say offhandedly that
Salome had left for good.
If my legs buckled,
he forced me
back on my feet again.
Hours passed.
More pain than can be imagined.
London is falling down.

I believed him.

all over my body, 
nothing that could
stop me doing my job.

He was careful in what
he did to me.

He cupped my cheek once,
I just stayed there.
I looked him in the eyes.
Those brown eyes.

London is falling

I was so afraid of what those hands would do next.
I did not dare fight him.
The risk of more pain was too great.
But it came anyway.

His skin was so scarred.

I felt so betrayed.
I trusted her,
she told me if I did
what she told me to.
London falling
She would keep me safe.
He told me that I hurt many people.
All I could say
All I could say was
All I could say through the tears was
"I know."

I begged him to kill me.
He wouldn't.
He told me I was too lovely to die.

When they found me...
When he was finished with me.
What was left of my clothes
were torn and drenched in blood.

I had passed out from the pain,
shivering in sub zero temperatures.
When I awoke,
that was all I felt.

David was gone.

My wrists were rubbed raw
from struggling.
Most of the cuts
have stopped
bleeding now,
A few will scar.

We were to head back
because our target was under
David's protection.
There had been "an error somewhere."
Then there was Salome.
Telling me to get some sleep.
Telling me I looked like death.
But I couldn't sleep.
I know you do not like the internet.
But if you read this.
For what you did to me...
I will make you suffer.
I do not care if you are a better fighter
or if you are stronger than me.
I will cut you.

Friday, 2 December 2011

Just thought I'd update you.

It's Salome, I figured you all should know.

We encountered some trouble, I've been sent back to get backup and help them collect Ember. Seems that our target was being fucking defended and he took Ember. Some higher up fucked up and I'm gonna find out who when this is over. When I find that out, there'll be a mature conversation with my fucking god damn knife.

Provided the kid doesn't do anything stupid, Ember'll be fine I'm sure.


Thursday, 1 December 2011

Leaving for a new target.

Today we left for a new place.
Salome and I.
We have been given our orders.
And we intend to act on them.

Or at least Salome does.

I awoke with a letter on my chest.
Salome found it too quickly as I was reading.
I can only give you the bare details from memory.

It was from Jules Chenier to Ember,
he was talking about another murder
similar to the last.

I cannot remember her name.
He was going to ask more questions
about father,
keep pressing it.

I do not know why Ember
was the addressee.
Maybe Jules and Mother
had an agreement?

I do not know.
Also today,
Salome gave me a computer,
small, folds up.
She said it was a netbook?

She says that means
I can file reports
and the likes on site.
Which is good, I suppose.

I suppose that is what happens.

Good bye for now.

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

"Let's go, Ember. You have a test to do."
Salome smiled at me.
Reassuring me, perhaps?
She doesn't ever smile.

That scared me more than
her usual cold self.
The hallways grew longer,

I passed unfamiliar people.
Some in street clothes.
Some in suits.
All of them looked withdrawn.

All of the life I felt in the world,
it was backwards here.

My breath frosted in the air,
joints slower as
I felt it seeping through
my clothes.

I kept looking at her expression,
she looked ill,
her skin looked grey,
her eyes tired.

She looked physically drained as we approached it.
I felt nothing.
And then we stopped.

A double door,
the wood engraved with patterns I cannot place.
"Are you ready?"
Her voice was trembling.


She was afraid.

I was too just from that.

I was walked into a large room in the Office.
I had never been here before.
I could not see the ceiling through the darkness,
trees were painted along the sides.

The trees were spiraling, looking as
if they would suck me in.
The air was clammy,
like I was wading through it.

As I walked forward toward the other end of the hall.

It moved away.

I never reached it.

The walls stretched like springs.

I stared through the light.
Each beam seemed like a wall of


The lights vanished.
I felt a presence.
A ghost.

By my shoulder.

I turned around.


I felt something brush against my back, behind me.

I drew my gun.

I shouted for whatever it was to show itself.


The room was empty,
no one was here.
The presence was here though.
Something was here with me.

I do not believe in ghosts,
but this was something.
You see movement
in the corner of your eye.

You try and focus on it,
but your mind doesn't process it.

It is just a blur.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I twisted and Salome was there.
In front of me.
She disarmed me.

She pointed the gun in my face,
a couple of steps back.
She said "What do you see?"

I... I was too scared.
She stared around.
Looking at a point over my shoulder.

I turn to look,
I followed her gaze.
I saw nothing.

I said so.

She looked at me for a moment,
and then back at that spot above my shoulder.

"There was nothing to see. The test was to study how easy it is to induce fear into you."
A lie.
She was too agitated to lie well.

She hugged me and returned my gun.
"Let's get out of here."
Never before have I seen
her in such a hurry to leave.

Monday, 28 November 2011

Rest In Peace

I drove to where I was to go.
It was cold.
It had a chill to it that bit at my fingers and toes.

I was told I had to kill someone named Lucas, one of the ones who "followed" me.
He and Joel were on the rooftop of an abandoned house in New York City.
I got to the door and watched them on the roof.

Lucas and I, we emailed, talked so much the past two weeks or so.
He told me about his life.
About Joel, and Wolf, and Scarves.
Apparently a young woman had knitted Joel and Lucas a pair of scarves.

Purple and Blue.

There was a taller man there,
olive skinned,
teeth sharpened to points.


He was flanked by two in black hoods.
Lucas took one out with surprising ease.
Joel shot the other.
There was a second gunshot from a second gun.

And then a reply.

Wolf died.
Wolf was born.
Joel turned on Lucas.


Lucas fought with him.

Another gunshot.

Lucas screamed.
Joel fell down.
Lucas too.

Lucas stayed there for an hour.
Holding Joel.

Then he sat up.
Hands covered in blood.
Smearing it over his face as he rubbed his eyes.
Poor boy.

He reached into Joel's front pocket.
He started to type on his phone.

I put on my mask

I walked toward him slowly.
I sat in front of him.
My handgun rested upon my lap.

He looked at me for a moment.
Then back at the phone.
"Are you here to kill me, Ember?"
English accent, it reminded me of something I cannot remember.

I resisted the urge to think about my dreams.

"Yes I am, Lucas."

"Best birthday ever." He smiled bitterly at me.

"Just give me a chance to get affairs in order,
"let people know what happened to me. To us.
"I don't care now.
"I don't. It was just a big. Fucking. Joke to him."

I looked at Joel,
one shot in the chest.
He died shortly after.

Lucas started crying again.
The occasional sob, as he typed.
I asked him.
"Why do you want to die?"
He looked up at me.
"I don't, but if I try and run, or if I fight you. You will win and I'll die."

I fell silent.

"Even if Josh hadn't died and Joel had still betrayed me... I'd have kept going for him. But I have nothing."

He finally stopped typing on the phone, standing up and throwing it off the building.
"Goodbye cruel world." A weak chuckle.
"Kitsch I know, but I always wanted them to be my last words.
"Just... Make it fast. Ok?"

I took off my mask.
He straightened out Joel's hair and coat,
the tail of his scarf covering the bullet wound.
and then did the same to himself.

He moved to lay against his lover.
Taking his hand
and closing his eyes.

It is clear now why I was to kill him.
I liked him.
He listened to me.
We were... Friends.

"Ember... Do you see him?" Lucas asked softly.
"See who, Lucas?"
"Nevermind." His voice was weak, cracking again.

I touched his cheek.
I reassured him.
I told him it was going to be okay.
He was so scared of dying but he tried so hard to hide it.

I do not hate him.
Even when I placed two rounds into his back, I did not.

I could not bring myself to shoot him in the head.

I soothed him as he fell asleep.

I fell back, sitting there.
Staring at what I had done.

Salome sat next to me.
She had been following me.
We talked.
We stood up and we left.

I used a pay phone to report the shootings.
I did not want them to be left there unfound.

I am not Salome.

Salome told me I was stupid for doing that.
But I wanted them to be discovered.
Now she is taking me somewhere else tomorrow.
Somewhere new.

She says I am ready.
I hate myself.
How does that make me ready?
I just cannot get Lucas' acceptance of his fate out of my head.

Rest in peace Lucas, Joel, Josh and Wolf.

Maybe I will see you in whatever comes after.

Monday, 21 November 2011

Working with Salome.

Salome came to me three days ago.
I was shooting.
She placed a hand on my shoulder.
She told me to come with her on her next job.

I did not say because Salome said I could not.

So I did.
We were tracking someone.
A girl.
Blonde, tired looking.

Iron and steel will bend and bow...
As if she spent all her time running.
Her clothes were dirty and worn.

I only saw her from a distance.

Salome approached her in an alleyway.
Two seconds.

Bend and bow...
She fell over.
Salome slipped the knife into her pocket.
We walked quickly away.
She bled out.

Bend and bow...
I do not know her name.
Salome tells me she was dangerous to Mother.

I looked at her for a moment.
She was going to leave her to rot.
I said so.
She looked at me.

Bend and bow... 
"What can I do? Report it?"
She glared at me.
I fell silent.

Iron and Steel will bend and bow...
I return today.
I have seen a murder.
I feel guilty I did not say anything sooner.
But I do not want to die.

When I returned home,
I had two letters upon my pillow.
Waiting for my return.

The first one is dated the 4th January 1888.

"Dear Detective Charnier.

I am not one to send a message directly. But there are reasons that your relationship is not sanctioned. You are straying into things that Ember and such cannot know about if they are to continue serving our cause. You and I know that Father is dangerous, whoever he is. Especially after the kind of death Fairy Fay and John Smith suffered.

Yes. It is dangerous. But you serve me willingly. Knowing that I am not going to allow you to put others in danger through what you may find. Separating you from others in the organisation is something normal in regards to research of new potential allies or enemies.

Is that understood?

Your relationship with Ember is finished.

If you continue to try and communicate in that way, I will separate you personally.


The second is dated 6th January 1888


I hope this letter receives you well. I wish to say I understand and thank you for explaining when you did not have to. Ember's emotional stability is close to my heart as well, I would not like to hurt that. Not one bit.

I shall keep doing what I can, but it appears that people are not talking about Father. I am trying to get people to talk, but after the examples that were made of the last two, lips are tightly sealed.

However, I plan to delve into cases that are similar in circumstance to the two deaths that happened.

I shall keep in correspondence with you.

Detective Charnier."


Sunday, 20 November 2011


I check my email all the time.
I never have anything.
I do not know why people are reading this.
I only write this for myself.

Two hundred "views."

Maybe they think this is fiction.

Or maybe that I am mad.

It is not, and I am not.


I could be mad.

Saying I am not is something only a mad person would say.

This is all real to me.

The thought that this is a dream is dismissed by the fact
I feel so much pain.
Every cut,
every scrape,
every broken bone.

This is real.

Salome tells me that I must do something.
A task.
She tells me that by the time I know what it is.
I will have failed it.

Schrödinger's cat.

Why does it feel appropriate?

Do you know why, Mercedes, Mystery or Lucas?

Do you?

Friday, 18 November 2011

A memory

I awaken.

I get up.
Salome tells me that
I have something to do.

I follow her toward the storage room.
She gestures to the gun cabinet.

I look confused.

She tells me that
I have a job and to pick one weapon that feels right.

I say nothing and take the Glock 34,
I don't use guns,
I have never used a gun before.

She teaches me everything.
London Bridge is falling down
I hold it incorrectly.
She straightens my grip.
falling down
I accidentally hit the magazine release when reloading.

The magazine falls to the ground.
falling down
She corrects me.

I learn by example.

I get better, I shoot all the targets first try but one.

She tells me that I only killed one of them.
London Bridge is falling down
I practice harder.

My hands ache.

My arms ache.

She keeps me going. Telling me

I need to keep my rate of fire faster.

I get better.

She tells me that
I am to kill someone.
I refuse.

She points a gun at my head.
I laugh.

I tell her this is a loop.

She says. "What Loop?"
Salome shoots me.

I wake up again.

I have training to do.

Sunday, 13 November 2011


I have never dreamed before.
Not that I can remember anyway.
I fell asleep.
I awoke.

It was simple.

Now it is not.
I do the same as what I did the day before.

When my training is over for the day.

I kill myself.

I do not wish to die.
I am not suicidal.
But the dreaming has become something...
Something I need to do.

An addiction.

Salome tells me that it is like a deaf person listening to music.


Tomorrow she will stop me.
Today, she shall not.
I will not let her.

She tells me I am getting stronger.

She tells me that I am almost ready.

I shall reply tomorrow.

Build it up with Iron and Steel...

Saturday, 12 November 2011

London Bridge.

Yesterday I did what I tried before..
I cannot believe it.
I still cannot.

I put a gun to my head during target practice.
Glock 34.
The gun that felt natural for me to shoot.

I looked at Salome for a moment.
She stared at me blankly.
"You expect me to stop you shooting yourself?"
Salome chuckled.

I pulled the trigger.

I pulled the trigger and I dreamed.

I dreamed of a man who I did not recognize.

A top hat...

A pocket watch...

We are late

We are running.

I do not see what.

I hear a crack behind me.

Children singing.


London bridge is







London Bridge is



My Fair Lady.


And over 

and over again. 

And then I awake...

It is morning.

Everything hurts.

Thursday, 10 November 2011


Salome and I were fighting yesterday...
It's difficult to call it sparring when you're using real weapons.
I stabbed her in the gut.
She actually smiled at me as she fell over.

I caught her.

I felt warm liquid over my fingers.
I can't get it off,
I can feel it there,
all over my hands.

I panicked.
I had killed her.

And then this morning.
I awoke.
She was up already,
watching me sleep.

She told me this was a "Loop."
That "Rules work differently here."

Dying in this Loop is not dying in real life.

I asked her if that was like my home.

She nodded.

I had so many questions to ask, she did not answer me.

Why do I forget so much at my home but remember this?
Who am I?
What is my name?

I do not even know if Ember Fay is my real name,
or if they belong to the addressee of these letters.

I suddenly pulled the gun to my own head during target practice, she just shrugged.
"All I have to do is take you outside and you can die properly."

So I am not immortal. Just stuck like before.

I think I understand...

Monday, 7 November 2011

It has been a while.

There has not been much to talk about.
On here at least.
I have no time to myself.
Salome has me run ragged.

Salome says that is a good thing.
That I am just a puppet for Mother.
That it is easier to kill on orders.

So when she tells me to take the day off,
as she is on an... An assignment.
I find another letter upon my chest,
I am uncertain of what to think.

I sit down,
I get some food and water.
I open it up and I read it.
And then I type it up on here.

It is dated December 30 1887


This is the first time I have messaged you directly. It is a pleasure to serve the cause and any assistance I can provide is all I can do. Ember Fay is a skilled agent, however I can serve you better than most. I have access into locations few know about.

I was talking to my contact about "Father." He is an interesting fellow who goes by the name Mordicai who runs an opium den. I came up with something that could be of interest. The name has been spoken before in the underworld here. Often with hushed voices. Some say he is a killer, others say he is a leader of a cult. If you ask ten people, you recieve ten different answers.

But if we take Springheeled Jack over in the cells into account, in particular the fact he was... dismembered whilst in solitary confinement, along with the murder of Fairy Fay, who only I spoke to in our investigations. I am inclined to believe that this is a group of people. Possibly a cult with members within the constabulary.

I shall keep you informed, Mother, of any discoveries that may be of interest to your person.

Also, I must beg your forgiveness in these matters, I would like to further correspondance to Ember Fay... I believe our relationship needs to be sanctioned, at least to the degree where we can send corrispondances between ourselves, if not in person.

Please consider what I said, I am very much in love with Ember. It is not agreeable to have such a relationship broken apart so soon after it became fledgeling.

Jules Charnier"

I destroy the letter and then I post this.
Salome seems to be alright with this
as long as she does not see the letter.
I am uncertain as to why.

She is harsh, soulless sometimes.
And I know she will kill me if I do not do this.
But I am training.
I do not know if I can kill.

But I am training.

Ember Fay

Wednesday, 26 October 2011


I have been training harder,
getting stronger,
getting faster.

I am learning to do my job.
Salome takes me out more often.
I have been learning to act.

She has me learning to dance.
Learning to flirt.
Learning things that can be useful to me.

I am getting better at people things.
I wasn't good with it before.
It distracted me.

She tells me I am better prepared
than I was back then.
I don't understand.

She does.

I ask her.

She smiles and tells me not to think too hard.

So I don't.

I still don't.

I keep training.

Salome keeps talking of a test.
A task I must do.
I will succeed.

I do not wish to die.

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

I saw this and thought of you.

Everyone's gone
I'll stay alone
But I don't mind
I made a new friend today
I can hear his voice in my head
It feels like he became a part of myself

He will call his ugly army
And they will kick the sinners out of my way
I'm so happy
But don't worry
No I don't wanna take my medics today

They won't give up
They won't break down
They're made of steel
They won't give up
They won't break down
My army's made of steel

Can't you see
This smile on my face
I find that funny
Whatever you might say
He's still living inside of me
And I don't want him to get out anyway

He will call his ugly army
And they will kick the sinners out of my way
I'm so angry
But don't worry
No I don't wanna take my medics today

They won't give up
They won't break down
They're made of steel
They won't give up
They won't break down
My army's made of steel

They won't give up
They won't break down
They're made of steel
They won't give up
They won't break down
My army's made of steel

He will call his ugly army
And they will kick the sinners out of my way
I'm so happy
But don't worry
No I don't wanna take my medics today

They won't give up
They won't break down
They're made of steel
They won't give up
They won't break down
My army's made of steel

They won't give up
They won't break down
They're made of steel
They won't give up
They won't break down
My army's made of steel

Felix Felidae

Saturday, 15 October 2011

A return and a revelation.

She's back.
I woke up today to see her sleeping.
She must have returned late last night.
I got up and let her sleep.

She's different when she sleeps.
Although she would kill me if she knew I'd said that.

When she awoke I asked her what happened.
She looked at me coldly and just got some food.
"He fought, I didn't expect him to be so well trained."

A smile formed on my lips. "And then what?"
She shrugged. "Then he got away, I tracked him back to his home."

"And you got the documents?"
She looked at me like I was stupid.

"You do not realise what you're being trained to do."

It was a fact.

I paused for a moment... I was thinking whilst she studied me.

As I realised what was happening, she smiled wide. This was the first time she'd actually smiled.
"I'm a killer, an assassin, whatever you want to call me."
I paused for a moment, something deep inside of me felt sick.

"You killed him?"

She nodded and I couldn't control myself. I just swung at her.
It was a reckless punch, and she caught it in her hand.
She twisted my arm around my back pushing me face first into the wall.
My nose broke from the sheer force.

I cried as she hissed into my ear. "So are you."
She pulled me away and shoved me into the wall again.
I slid down the brick, my back was grazed.
I heard the click of a gun cocking.

I was staring into the darkness of the barrel of her gun.

My mind was racing, processing it all.

  • H&K P30, .40 rounds, with a 13 magazine that is in the weapon, treat as loaded. 
  • Owner is older than you, stronger than you, better than you. 
  • You have the lower ground also pain slows you down.

Summary: Give up. You are dead.

"I told you, a bullet is the only way out for you. Either you get shot now and die...
or you might live if you serve Mother correctly."
"Mother?" I was crying, I felt the cold barrel of the gun press against my forehead and I panicked.
I closed my eyes tight. I hated myself, I still do.
"Five seconds." She said. "Five."

Oshitoshitoshit what am I gonna do? She's got a gun.


Why me, please god no, not now not now not now.


Oh god she's squeezing the trigger, I can't die not now not after all that's happened.


Don't die. Just say you will do this. You can do this. You can.


I could hardly breathe.

"I'll serve."

The gun lowered and she held a hand out to me.

I heard her speak, but I don't know what she said. I pushed her hand away and just ran to the window. It was open a crack and I needed the air. The fresh air.

It feels so good to be alive. Even though I have agreed to something terrible.

Does that make me a terrible person?

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

No sign of Salome

I have not seen Salome at all since that time at the Cafe.
It has been a day and I am starting to worry a little bit.
I have been training though.
I have kept to the same routine as I have since I arrived here.

I get up.
I run.
I eat.
I shoot.

I can't fight without a partner.
I eat.
I run some more.
I shoot some more.

My hands are trembling from the
jerking of the gun  in my fingers.
Salome calls it recoil.
I may take a day off tomorrow.
I might just to rest my hands.

I eat dinner.
Then I spend the rest of the evening cleaning.
Myself and the equipment I have used since this morning.
It's then that I notice another letter.

I debate tearing it up.
Something draws me to it.
Something makes me feel like I need to read it.

So I do.

And then I show everyone else what it said.

It's nonsense to me, as if I am receiving only a single part of the conversation.

It is dated October 28th 1887.

"Dear Detective Charnier.

I recieved your letter yesterday, and I must say I am concerned. Mother told me to keep you in the loop, and as such I must explain to you that you are to follow up on this Father of yours, and that I am simply to forward the correspondances without viewing.

I am uncertain as to why mother does not trust me with what you may find, but it is important that you do this task to the best of your abilities.

I have my own work to perform, finally something other than handling agents like yourself. Something that better utilises my capabilities. I shall be gone for one week, communication shall cease and any letters you send shall be forwarded as soon as possible.

You are on your own.

Also Jules.

I was told to notify you that our relationship is unsanctioned and as such our communication must remain fully professional. Do not fight it. There is no point. This comes from Mother's own hand.

It is difficult to say but I believe it is for the best. I am sorry.


Ember Fay""


So they were involved with each other.

It sounds a little bit sad really.

And now I fall asleep.

Monday, 10 October 2011

A different place.

Salome took me out today.
It was a different thing to my usual training.
I was with her, I wasn't scared like back home.
The first thing she told me was to act naturally.

It was then that I saw them.

The noise overwhelmed me.
We walked into a city center.
We sat down together.

We drank coffee together in a shop.
A cafe.
She said "Tell me who that man in the corner is."
I didn't know.

She was referring to a businessman,
he was on a phone.
Deep in conversation.

Glasses rested on his nose and he was staring at papers.
They looked official.
Deep in conversation.

I was distracted.
Too much noise.
The sound of the coffee machine.
The sound of talking.

It had been so long since I'd heard talking.
I forgot what it sounded like.

I said. "A businessman, negotiating a deal?"
She smiled a little and shook her head.
"Look closer."
I looked again, just glancing.

Noise just fades away.

I saw a red mark on his ring finger, but no ring.
He's middle aged, he seemed withdrawn.
A broken man.
I felt a relation to it.

"He is divorcing. The papers are the ones he's been served with."
She smiled. "Almost correct. His ex wife is suing him. He is in a conversation with his lawyer."
"I saw the papers when I was getting the coffee." She leaned back in her seat.
I frowned. "Why did you tell me this?"

She smirked. "Because you now know how he will react when you see what I do."
I stopped for a moment and just looked at her. "What?"
The man stands up, tidying away the papers into his briefcase and looking over his shoulder at us.

"When I pull a gun upon him." She smiled.

There was something predatory in her gaze.

"Go back to the office. I shall meet you there."

I do as I am ordered.

He looked like the kind of man to use shortcuts.
Alleyways that allowed him to cut off a couple of minutes with work.
If she pulled a gun on him, he would panic.
Freeze up.
He would offer her money.
He would then run.

I am in the office again,
I don't know what to think.
Are the papers that important that she would draw a weapon on him?

I don't know.
But the city was a welcome break from training.

I am writing this up and then I am doing more shooting.
I always need to do more shooting.
I need to get better.
I don't want to die.

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

It's a hit.

I did it.
I landed a hit in training today.
She was sparring with me,
she had a knife.

She lunged at me.
I twisted my body and the knife missed me.
It got caught in my top.
I brought my knee up and hit her arm with it.

Then the knife came free.
She jabbed me in the nose
I then felt so much pain in my shoulder.

I fell back and the knife came with me.
I was bleeding.
It hurt so bad.
I cried a lot.

When she cut me,
I cried a little.
But this hurt so much more.

She just told me to shut up and deal with it.
She doesn't show emotion unless it suits her.
I ran back off into the makeshift bedroom.
She did not follow me.

She's an actor.
She says I need to be able to take pain like that.
She says that otherwise I won't be able to do my job.

I ask what I am to be.

She does not answer.

I am tired.

Everything hurts.

Perhaps the bullet will bring an end to it.

I am not cut out for this, she must be mistaking me for someone else.

Monday, 3 October 2011

A new letter.

I wake up this morning.
I find something resting upon my chest.
Another brown envelope.

Once again, as soon as I pick it up.
The envelope falls apart.
I type it up during my break and post it.

I do the rest of my training.
I ask Salome about the letters.

She shouts at me,
She tells me to never read these.
I don't understand why.
She says I don't need to.

I post it here
I typed it up before I asked.
I had a feeling that I would need to.
I show whoever is watching me, what it said:

October 20th, 1887

As always Mother, here is the message from Jules. If you have tasks for me to fulfil, I would do them gladly.

Dear Ember Fay

I hope that you are well this October day. In London, it is icy, the streets are slippery and the air has a bite that is difficult to describe. It makes me wish for warmer times, the mild winters of my beloved Marseilles in the orphanage, along with a few more blankets, perhaps someone to keep warm with.

Of course, onto the main part of the letter.

I encountered the most curious of things the other day. There was an attempted burgulary upon a residence in Cobb Street. Given reports of such things happening to other people. I was assigned to investigate. Of course, I interviewed the young woman who discovered him. She was a local Street Worker who went by the name of "Fairy Fay." It seems like you are not the only one using a new name.

She was... Applying her trade, when she saw a man at the foot of her bed. When he was spotted he escaped through the window. She said he wore a face like that of an ungodly creature on a mask. She called him Springheeled Jack.

Yes, you could laugh at such a childish fantasy, but it does not explain the fact that this is the second of such cases in as many months.

It may also interest you to know that in this occasion, he fell three storeys.

We spent the next week, interviewing doctors and pharmacists, the coroner assures me that such a fall would cause injuries that would make walking near impossible. And to our surprise, we discovered someone, someone who matched the description of the attacker and the injuries.

Upon interview, he was clearly of ill humour. I enclose a transcript of the interview. If I am to take this lunatic seriously, I would like to start researching “Father” post-haste.

I await your orders, and your return.

Jules Chernier.

[Interview of Mr. John Smith starts: 19:32 PM 20th October 1887 Interviewers Special Detective Jules Chernier and Detective Wilfred Drake]

C- So. Mr Smith.
S- Yes Detective?
C- How did you receive such a dreadful wound to your foot? Does it not hurt?
S- I landed fell out of b [screaming] please help me. Stop! It hurts!
C- Stop what? Did you see anything Detective?
D- Not at all. He just started scremaing.
C- How curious, such a thing could send a man to Bedlam. Do you not agree?
D- I would agree to that, Mr Chernier, he would be a good subject don't you think? You know they test on people, don't you?
C- Possibly, although he'd have to answer our questions if he didn't want to.
S- Please no. Not you Father. Not you. You made me do it before, I'll be good I'll be good. [Screaming]
C- Well, tell me about this Father.
S- He made me do it, he made me do it all, he hurts he kills he's evil. I don't want to do it, he watches me, over and over and over and over.
C- So you admit to being in Fairy Fay's home on the night?
S- I had to be, he made me.
D- He?
S- Father.
D- Who is Father?
S- [Laughter] Want to know? Come closer.
D- [Screaming] My ear, you tore off my ear.
S- [Laughter] It looked like it tasted nice. Father likes it when people taste nice.
C- Of course... Get to a hospital Detective Drake. Mr Smith, I am hereby formally charging you with attempted murder, attempted burgulary, and resisting arrest.
S- But I'm not resisting arrest [Screaming]
C- Yes you are, Mon Ami. Interview over.
[Interview end at 19:42] "

I don't think about it.
Salome tells me not to think. 
Occasionally I am scared she will shoot me 
if I don't do what she says.