Wednesday, 25 January 2012

A Missing Letter.

Since Theta was
exchanged for my
life, it has been difficult.

Tau has been trying to
separate me from Salome.
She has gotten more protective
of me since what happened.

Though she would never admit it.

We still train regularly,
often to the death, but
she has been trying to
get me out of the Office.

Salome has been trying
to answer my questions
as best as she can.

Though sometimes there are
answers that even if she screams
it in my ear, they feel as
blurred as Mr Smiles.

There have been moments
where I have not been looking
and I see something in the corner
of my eye. I do not notice it is there,
and when I do, it is gone.

This is both before and after what
happened with Penny.

Salome told me it is natural to
feel regret at not being able to
save someone like Penny.

She then told me it was a joke.

But I do feel bad, even if she wished
me dead, she was a little girl.
She did not deserve what she got.

Apparently a group of us are
going to watch Groundhog Day
which is a film about... Actually
I do not know what it is about.

Oh, I have to go.
I will be back a little later perhaps.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Penny Holland

Penny Holland,
that name is stuck
in my head right
now this second.

It is like I am aching.
I remember it so clearly.
I went to the park again,
3:27 PM, she was there.

Someone else was there,
her smile. I remember that
smile so much. I pulled the
gun in the middle of central park.

I didn't have a chance to fire.
I fell, like the ground opened
up under me, but it did not,
I... I wish I knew what happened.

I was in the house,
the one I was in for
such a long time.
The one I called "home."

I was sat on the couch,
I could not move.
Penny smiled at me, she
told me that Mr Smiles wanted
to prove he was there.

I looked behind her, I
could see a blur, like
the shimmering air above
hot asphalt on a summers day.

I tried to focus on it but I
simply could not do so.

It was a few feet away, this
shimmer of air. And then it
grew larger, came closer to

I felt something touch me.

I felt pain, deep inside my mind.
"You are nothing you are nothing
you are nothing you are nothing
you are nothing compared to me."

I felt what felt like a finger,
running down my chest, leaving
a trail of something... I thought it
did not hurt, then I choked.

I looked down and saw blood.
The pain was suffocating me
as this little girl laughed at me.

Then i felt this pressure,
against my chest, against
my shoulders, against my
head. My whole body felt
as if it was not mine to have.
I do not know how long
I was like this, but then...
The blur moved away,
I had my mind back...

Penny screamed at it to
hurt me but instead it moved
to her, it must have done to
her what it did to me.

Her screams... She fell to
her knees... Screaming 
"I'm sorry daddy I'm sorry."

She was lifted up, flung against
the wall next to me and I 

and I

And I saw her cut open.

I couldn't look away, 
I just watched as she 
was torn to pieces...

I was covered in her blood.

Then Salome came back...
Apparently I passed out before I
could stand up to try and stop
them doing anything to Theta...

I slept for days, Salome says I
needed it to try and recover.
She says that I am safe now.
I do not feel safe.
All I want right now is to escape.
I just wish beyond anything to run.

This... This blur
I am supposed to 
work for, terrifies me
far more than death.

I feel sick.

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

So apparently people are worried.

Ok, when I found out that Ember was gone, Tau was trying to send me on another mission. When I saw it, I refused point blanc. We're partners for a fuckin reason, and this is a fuckin prime example of why we shouldn't be separated.

So, Ember's out, traumatized but okay. We exchanged Theta, she had betrayed us, sent us after targets who didn't need killing. I don't know how long she strung us along for that agenda. Ranting and raving about how we are apparently the good guys. Screaming at Tau.

I admit, this always leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.

Fuck, Ember's got a gun again, the last thing the kid needs is dreaming.

Perhaps I can make Ember open up, talk about it. Talking helps. I know that much.

Monday, 16 January 2012

it hjrts notagainplease not agianmrsmilesitssodarkitssodarkitssodarkhesablurlondonbridgeisfallingdownfallingdownfallingdoanlondonbridgeisfallingdownmyfairlady

Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I like that... "My Fair Lady." I like that name lots.

Dont worry 2 much though Emberll still b able 2 cum home ...

Wat Mr Smiles and I do b4 that happnes... Well, how long does it take 4 a sum1 2 bleed?

dnt wrry, we just have n example 2 make.

ur group has 2 LISTEN 2 HIM! DONT U UNDERSTAND????





Friday, 13 January 2012


The reason I am
still talking is that
I was given a place
and time to kill.

It is soon enough,
but it does mean
I have a lot of time
to worry about it.

It was late.
We were fighting,
Salome and I.

She had me disarmed
but I was still looking 
to take my knife back.

She stopped when she
saw him, standing a little
straighter and elbowing
me to make me do the same.

"Ember, fancy a drink? My treat."
He said. He had a warm smile.
He sounded like a man from
an old western film.

(Salome has been trying
to get me up to date
culturally as well as
teaching me to fight.
I enjoy westerns.)

Salome spoke up "Sir?"
"If you want, you can come too."

He was older than me,
maybe thirty or thirty five.
I could practically taste
cigarette ash when he was near.

Salome declined.

It seems strange
but I did not
think to ask
who he was.

Not there anyway.

I looked at her for a moment,
she shrugged and stated that
she had some more work to do.

We took a taxi
to Upper Manhattan,
walking into a bar.

He told me that he liked
to drink there because they
let him smoke.

"What's your poison?"
He asked, standing at
the bar, looking at me.

"Poison?" I asked.
He laughed.
"That means what
would you like to drink?"

I shrugged, he ordered
me a glass of wine.

We sat at a table in
the corner, as far
from the door as we could.
He lit up, looking contented.

"So what would you like to
talk about? How has your
training been going?"

We talked for a while
about this and that.
Then I realised I had
no idea who I was talking to.

I asked.
He answered.

"People call me Tau.
I started in 2010
I work with Theta
and we are Mother."
He took a drag.

"So you are the one
who is sending me to
kill people?" I was shocked,
scared, I had no idea what to say.

He didn't answer that.
"The letter Theta in ancient
Greece was a symbol of death,
some say it is because it is an
abbreviated form of "Thanatos," 
a personification of death."

"Tau, on the other hand,
was used by the Egyptians
as a symbol of life 
in their Crux Anasta or
in another name, The Ankh."

"Do you understand?"

I tried to clarify and he
confirmed it.

He deals with the people
who are a part of the 
organization, and Theta
hands us the assassinations.

We talked about other things,
I asked about my past and
he told me that I was not ready
to hear about it yet, it would kill me.

He told me to keep reading the
letters I was being sent and to try
and find out who Felix was.

He told me to consider it an order.

At least with this
order I do not
have to kill a little girl.

Thursday, 12 January 2012

Why does Salome call me a worker bee?

I talked to David.
I listened to his
explanation of how
it felt to him.

I am not saying that
it makes it right,
but I am saying that
I am done with it.

Drop the subject.

Salome told me I
had a job to do
all on my own.

It is in New York, 
it should not be
too big of a problem.

I have too much to
live for, too many
questions to think
about losing my will
to murder people.

Saturday, 7 January 2012


I had an argument 
with Salome again.
We always argue.
It has become how we work.

She wanted to duel
David and I did not
wish her to get hurt.
She hit me with a crowbar.

Knocked me out.

Went off on her own.

I woke up 
after she left.
Tried to stand.
Needed to get better.

I got my gun from the locker.
My head was bleeding.
I walked to central park.

I saw David and Salome
fighting each other.
I would step in 
if there was a winner.

Salome stabbed David,

Somewhere particularly painful.

David had her pinned
to the ground in a moment.
I only intervened when he
started to hurt my partner.

David dropped his knife.
Salome stood up.
She got angry at me and
she punched me in the face.

I was in a daze on the ground.
I could hear talking,
I could here the sound of the lake
that they had decided to fight at.

All I wanted to do 
was sleep it off.

Salome asked me 
if I was okay to
get back home.

"I should be."

She left me alone. 
I know why she did
that to me. She knew
we needed to talk.

I made it clear that
I did not accept his
apology because it
meant nothing. 

Just words meant
to make Elaine know
he apologized as a point.

David walked me
back to the office.

I was in no 
state to walk there, 
but I had regardless.

I cannot understand
this man at all.
He walks me home
after he injures my partner.

The head wound has gone
now, but I still have a large
bruise on my cheek, under my eye.

Salome is in a bad way.
A couple of fractured ribs.
Her leg is injured from where
the knee was kicked hard.

And a bruised ego.

I find her practicing shooting.
She is not talking to me.
I suppose this is all my fault that 
I let David get me in the first place.

I think I will dream tonight.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

I do not know why
David's words hurt
so much at that time.

I needed a reason to
escape from it all.
It turns out that I
dreamed of it as well.

And those dreams are
far more difficult to escape.

Then I awoke and Salome
decided that she would
defend my honour.

Of course.

Any reason for a fight.


I have been spending all
day trying to convince her
to back down but she is

She has that fire in her.
I see it behind her eyes.
I cannot say I never
blamed her when it happened.

But after, I knew I could not
blame her at all.
There was only really one
person who was to blame.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Bad Ideas

The New Years party 
was not what I expected, 
to be sure. I would rather
have enjoyed it and failed
to get information on Felix,
than what happened.

When I walked in, 
Recluse, began to talk to me.

It was sweet, well, as sweet 
as one can be with one who kills.
But she has her reasoning and I 
do not wish to counter it.

Then I saw David...
Of course he was there.
It had to be him there.

I spent a lot of 
my time avoiding 
him as best as 
I could.

I had a knife, 
I am not completely 
stupid but I know
how much of an
effect it had on him
the last time I used it.

Rachael and I conversed.
It was probably the most
pleasant one that I was
involved in that night.

I still do not really understand
why she was invited but I was
glad that she was indeed.

There was a tense moment with
Rachael and another person,
I did not know his name at that
time but apparently his name is Valtael.

I was distracted, I had lost David.
Then he sat next to me.
He tried to say something, but got
distracted by Nee-Chan tackling him.

Or at least someone who says "desu."

I made my escape, I must thank 
her for that. It got me out of a 
situation where I do not know 
what would have happened.

Probably crying, I was close there.

I needed air, I did not know what
was happening really. I stood by
the door only to have Photographer
warn me that something might happen.

He was right.

It was a blur really.
I saw Rachael pull 
a gun on people.
"Joseph" was missing.

I remember throwing myself
upon Morningstar's back.
I remember him being as 
strong as he looks.

And he had a sword.
I cut my hand on it.
Then I cannot remember
anything else really.

Just "Joseph" there,
injured badly and
David... I do not
like to think about it.

I suppose that is why
some people love him
and some people hate him.

I wish I could... No.
Never mind.
It is stupid.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Merry fuckin new year.

Hey there ya fuckers. Salome here. I just got of the phone with Ember, the kid is fine physically, though mentally a little battered. Plus Ember didn't get the information that we needed either. Apparently there was a brawl with Morningstar's crew. Fuckin party crashers.

Why they were invited to a party hosted by their competitors... I have no fuckin idea.

And David was there.

Yeah, that could have been not so fuckin great at all.

Oh, you don't know the backstory. Fuck, Ember, you don't tell them shit, do you?

Ok, so a couple of days ago, Ember got an invitation to go to a new years party for the ones on our side of the fence. Kid didn't want to go, Mother insisted.

And away the poor kid went, and much alcohol was consumed, and everybody fucked... No wait Elaine wasn't there nevermind.

There. Backstory done.

I'd have loved to go, I just got out of hospital today fuck dammit. Got some lovely stitches that will be removed in a couple of weeks or so. But either way, Ember dropped off my gun. There are no people daring to touch me now... Especially since I had a conversation with our fuckin Fixer.

What? No matter what anyone tells you, it went off fuckin accidentally. I wonder how that could have happened.

He used to be an adventurer like me, until he took a bullet in the knee.

Yeah, what? It was fuckin boring in hospital, all I had to keep me company was youtube and fuckin Ember, who doesn't have enough memories to be interesting for long.

Either way, I'll keep listening to Mother. I don't want him to be a liability after all.

Stay at the office Ember, I'll meet you when I get back.

I know you'll probably be dead on the floor when I see you. Fuck you and your wanting to dream. I don't dream and I'm fuckin fine.

Talking of dreams I should get some sleep again.

Seriously Ember? 3 AM? Fuck you.