Wednesday, 22 February 2012

A Punishment

I wake up.
I sit up.
I stand up.

I realise Salome
is not here.
I try and eat.
I do not feel hungry.

I walk to the door.
The door Salome is afraid of.
I push it open.
I see Salome.

I see Salome hanging by her wrists with thick rope.
black white black white black white black white goes the walls.
I realise what this is.
A chapel.

With a ceiling so high I cannot see it,
I can barely see the walls,
but they are plaster,
covered in murals and paintings.

I cannot recall what they are of, but I remember.

I see people standing, completely silent.
Normal people, friends, families, lovers.
I feel something against my throat, a straight edge razor.
I hear Tau say "Are you ready to carry out your punishment?"

I start to hum, London Bridge is falling down.
He presses the handle into my palm.
She is my partner, she is my friend.
She hurts me but she is my friend.

It is because she is my partner,
that this is my duty to carry out.

I look at her.
I try and apologize.
She smiles at me,
she is scared.

She says. "Get it over with."

I press the blade against her skin ever so gently.
I pull it down her upper arm.
I grip on the flap of skin and pull hard.
Her screams sicken me.

I drown it out in my head.
London bridge is falling down.

I hear a couple of gasps,
disgust, mockery.
One of them shouts.
"Bitch deserves it!"

But mostly, the thirty
or so people here stay
completely silent.

Nobody leaves.

An hour passes,
then another,
then another.
It is evening when I cannot do anymore.

She twitches occasionally.
Her eyes watch me.
She has run out of tears.
I have left her face intact.
I am covered in her blood.

I step back.
Tau sees me hesitate.
He says those two words I most want to hear.
More than anything.

"Kill her."
I draw my combat knife.
I slide it between her ribs.

Into her heart.

I lunge at Theta,
at Fixer,
I cannot stop crying.

Someone holds me back.
A man in a suit.
His name is West.
He is a friend.

"Don't hurt him Ember.
He'll hurt you harder."

I beg Tau to let me go in her place tomorrow.
He calls me hysterical.
He says "Get some rest."

I pull away from him.
I run from the room.

I shower the blood away.
I curl up in my bed and cry.
I do not wish to awaken.

I am sorry.
I am so sorry.

Four more days.