Sunday, 19 February 2012

A Plea

I found Tau in that bar we went to before.
Well, mostly.
He was off his face drunk,
and chugging more beer by the time I arrived...

It was pointless to try and talk to him today.
I tried, all I could get out of him was that
he was sorry, and there was nothing he could do.

That this was all Theta's fault.

I tried to get him a cab home,
and, well... He turned violent.
I restrained him so he didn't
hurt anyone and...

Well, he slapped me.
And then he...
Well,
he broke down moreso.

He said he was sorry for
what was going to happen.
And then I got angry.

I shouted at him, told him
that he was Tau, that he
should act like a leader
and not a sniveling wreck.

All he said was one question.
"A leader of what?"

I... I did not know how I was to respond.
I just left him there. I was too angry to
think straight really, he is our leader,
he is supposed to act like one.

But if he is not up to the task...
I am scared for what will happen.

I went back home.
I got something to eat before
I went to my next port of call.

I went upstairs, all the way
to the top of the office.
No one goes up here.
This is Theta's place.

He lives in separation
from the rest of us,
talking, debating, dreaming.

Who knows what he does
with the space, but it is quiet.
The kind of silence that you
are know to avoid.

Where the birds are gone,
and all you can hear is
your own steady breathing
and your footsteps on the concrete.

The temperature decreased as
I walked toward the room.

It was subtle.

I only realised that it was getting
colder when I could see my breath.
I touched the door, the wood was ice cold.

I... I felt repulsed, like when I was...
Like when I saw that blur.
Deep in the pit of my stomach.
I heard a laugh, I recognized it.

Penny.

I pushed open the door. 
I saw them there. 
She was sat at a table,
eating chocolate.

Fixer Theta was sat near her.
He turned to look at me.
"Ember, I expected you to be
sniveling like Tau."

Penny was smiling innocently.
"We'll have to change that,
won't we Mr Theta? 
Won't we?"

He smiled a little at her. 
"I suppose we shall..."

I am pitiful.
I am nothing.
I can do nothing to help the ones I care for.
Nothing.

The guards will not even let me see her.

10 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I should be sorry.
      You have enough
      on your plate
      as it is currently.

      Delete
    2. Bullshit. I'm sitting on my ass waiting. The least I can do is help.

      Delete
    3. The last time we
      were even near each
      other, someone threatened
      the ones you care for.

      I would not want your help
      if it puts them at risk.

      Delete
    4. That's not even remotely your fault.

      Delete
  2. No insult or anything but this is kinda hard to read. I see new words every time I go over it again. Some how I keep skipping entire paragraphs.

    I tried to go a entry back for more context but I some how skipped to the last entry on the bottem of the page.

    I say all of this because I want to follow, you seem very interesting. This is a mostly a heads up. If I ever comment anything that doesn't quite make sense, it's because I'm some how reading something that isn't there. So, premature sorry.

    That said, penny scares me and I hope Tau gets himself together. Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am sorry.
      It is difficult
      right now for me
      to do anything.

      I can try and explain
      in emails, but right now
      I am not so great.

      I am sorry again.

      Delete
    2. I'll take you up on that some time.

      Sorry I make you sorry. Life seems hard enough for you as it is at the moment.

      Delete
    3. Please do not be sorry.
      That just makes my
      being sorry even worse.

      Sorry for making you sorry
      that you make me sorry
      because you are sorry.

      Delete
    4. Apology... acepted then? Ummm... twice?

      Delete