Ember's stable. McKay, he chose the new name so we can call him something, fixed the kid up. Apparently he keeps holy water and prayer and shit like that for instances like Ember's wound. Still no news on Tau.

Bye

I don't like this blog but I figured you'd all want to know. Ember went to sleep the night of the last post and then never woke up. Ember had been fucking hiding the infection from me, by the time we found out, Ember was feverish and the wound was covered in this black gunky stuff.

Yeah... This isn't the kind of infection we were treating Ember for. You know, the normal kind... In fact it's kind of a surprise that the kid didn't get infected since before now. Though I suppose the constant resets The Office gave helped with that.

I can't tell you where we are, or even who we're with. Because that could be used to track us.

Ember will be fine and apart from Penny's stab wound, the others are healing well enough.

Now, onto the second order of business or whatever the fuck it is.

In regards to Ember's little comment about normality last post having people talk in the comments about it.

I can't speak for Ember but I can speak for myself. My parents were killed by this Order and they gave them me to look after.

I didn't have to kill. I had another choice. I could die as originally planned. Ember and I have more things in common than I'd like to admit. Every kill I did, every person I took out of normality and showed them what it was like to have their neck broken. I told myself that it was different. I was killing to survive.

I never wanted it though, I had the same fucking thoughts as Ember. Looking a third option. One that stopped me killing, and moved the fucking gun away from my head.

I've seen people die who made the same promises as Ember, but with Tau on our side. With Ember still alive. I'm gonna bet my life with them. Even if it's a slim fucking chance and a stupid idea now. I made my move. I aint gonna be taken back.

West

A cell.

You know...
I wonder what normality would be like.

Normal friends.
Normal family.
Normal relationships.
Normal life.

Even wondering about it feels so...
So alien.
Like I am staring through a looking glass.
People who don't know how close to death they are.

People who think they are invincible.

West and I talked a little.
Back when we were training.
We talked about roles.

Pawns, Queens, Kings.

Once, when Penny was messing with me.
She called me a pawn,
one move away from the other side.

That is me.
I cannot afford to look back.
Only forwards.

My leg is infected.
We got to the cell.
I am on some kind of tablets.

They make me throw up.
I shall sleep again now.

Goodnight

A failed goodbye

Half an hour after the events in the last post,
I was trying to visit Duckling.
My Duckling.
You could guess how it went...

West argued against it but I screamed at him.
I needed to see him one time before I left.
I needed to tell him it was going to be okay.
Even if it was not.

I walked into the hallway,
and Trent was there...
He stabbed me with a spear.

That bastard Fracture.
He stood over me.
Gloating.
"It's over, Ember."

It will be over when I am dead.
I would not accept it.
It was then that West pushed Fracture to the side...
They fought.

It all went so fast.
Tugging the spear out.
Opening Duckling's door.
Seeing a bomb on the bed.

Twisting to run.

It was like...
A deep thud against your chest,
then your ears hurt and
then it all sounded like bells in my ear.

Never stopping.
Drowning out everything.

I had managed to get out of the doorway in time.

Then West was pulling me out of the building down the fire escape.
I'd managed to get to my feet.
I could feel the occasional clang.
I suppose they were bullets.

Then we made it to the car.
We stayed in a motel for a couple of days.

Let me get my hearing back to a degree.
Now we are travelling.
We are travelling a long way.
Everything still hurts.

But I am getting better.

I need to get better.

A blur

This shake...
I cannot be rid of it.
Every time I try and stand,
my knee keeps shaking and I fall.

West resolved to let me use him as a crutch.
At least until we can get either decent painkillers
or a real one.

I could walk when the pain was too great,
the adrenaline coursed through me like...
Like fire.
The day after the kill.

Now I'm helpless.

Smith.

Everything went wrong apart from the fact Smith was dead.

I knew it would be difficult.
Me against his bodyguards.
Maybe the need to incapacitate
one of my teams.

This one did not need to be secret.
Not for long anyway.
Tau told me it would save lives.
And I understood it.

I asked West to help.
When he found out...
He said he would keep me alive,
but he would not kill them.

He said that was my calling.

He was tired of following orders.
I understood that much.
I am tired of it too.
Having no other choice.

I was stupid.

Since the last one.
Smith had been locked up in his office.
There were men checking identities.
Stood in front of the access elevator.

West stayed at the elevator,
I went up saying I had information on the assassin.
I remembered the meeting room.
His office.

I silently ran through the times.

Two seconds for the elevator doors to open.
Fifteen to cross the hall.
Three to draw and shoot the bodyguards.
Thirty to stab Smith and escape into the elevator again.

The first thing I knew as the doors opened was a bullet grazing my left arm.
I will skip the blow by blow...
By the time Smith was dead,
my arm was bleeding and I had a gash along my side.

As I turned to leave.
Penny stood in the door.
The blur was there.
Right behind her.

I could not think straight.
Something burned inside me.
She stabbed my calf with a kitchen knife.
I broke her neck and then...

Then I woke up in the back seat of West's car.
I had been gone for thirty minutes.

Duckling.

The pain is back.
I have more to say though.
Another time.
We have to keep moving.