A Tutor

I visited Salome again a couple of days back.
The second time since I placed her urn.

There is a tradition in our Order.
You only visit a person twice.
Once when you place them there.
And again, once you have made something of yourself.

To show the dead that their sacrifice was not in vain.

And I have...
I have changed.

It is like I am half a person.
This other half wants to kill.
I do not.
I deeply do not.

I caught a glimpse of this side last New Year.
Salome had told me not to think, just act.
It was like my body knew what to do.
But soon it was not just my body.

It was like a part of me had been separated,
and I did not want to have it back.

But it helped.
This... Persona I could adopt.
It helped me kill.

Swan called the half Salome,
when he discovered it.

Peace.
Bringer of peace.
I did not like it,
it disrespected her.

But this other loved it.

I killed with him.
I hunted.
I cut that man so many times.

I hate it,
I hate it to the point that the house seems bearable.
But I am here...

Normally I can control it...
But what if I just decide to give up?
What if I allowed Duckie's Salome to become me?
Who would be the first to die?

The man who must die,

Or me?

I am about to do something I want.
To maybe save some lives.

Why am I scared?