Monday, 29 September 2014

A long time

How long has it been?

West is dead.
Broken neck.

Tau is dead.
Stabbed in the heart

Theta is dead.
Heart failure due to exhaustion.

I am alive.
In the office.


I walk the stairs sometimes.
I hear what still is a blur around me.

Like white noise,
a humming in your ear.

London Bridge
is falling down.

I asked so many questions at the start:

"Who am I?"

"Where am I?"

When really I should have asked:

"How old am I?"

The first letter I received was dated 1887.
That would make me... 127 years old at least.

But as far as living?

Sixteen years since then
and just over a year here.

At least I believe it is just over a year.

Even after gaining control;
loops are strange,
especially when you are alone.

You see, this organisation.
Our backers.

The Gentleman.

The Gentleman has decided that
there will always be a Mother.

Even when I killed every single member like I was asked.
there is always one left.


But that doesn't matter.

Before I killed Tau
he handed me a letter.


He handed me two. The first was dated January 11th, 1888.

"Dear Mother. 
As I am certain you are aware, and despite the gunshot wound you left me with, I had my final meeting with Father and we came to an arrangement. I am hereby promoted to the rank of Tau, and establish Mr. Edward Smith of Santa Fe County to function as Theta. As such, your presence is no longer required. 
Enclosed is a phial of a white powder, I am assured that by the end of this letter you will be ingesting it. My assistant is currently at your shoulder, in fact, his hand is holding you there, isn't he? 
You will no longer read this letter, though I am sure that Ember will. 
When you are finished with your job, Ember. Please put him to bed. I shall be joining you in America shortly, please report to the Santa Fe office and I will meet you there. 
The second was dated a couple of months later I think.

"Ember, I have proposed an experiment to you. I cannot order you to do it, but it is the last thing I can do after your partner was executed.  
I am finding it difficult to focus.  
Father occupies my thoughts, my dreams, he knows of you but I want to try and save you, give you a chance to leave this order in a way that you cannot die for. 
There is a house, a cottage. It is looped in a way that will make you forget that Father even exists.  
It will make you forget everything, even your name. 
Maybe then, when this is all over, I can release you. Help you remember who you are and what you mean to me. 

I made my way to the top of the office,
it is a hard climb that feels like it goes on forever.

Floor after floor

after floor

after floor.

I made it though and walked into a room
I saw the last letter of Jules Chenier. Dated; September 20th 2001.

"Hey Ember.  
I'm so sorry. I haven't visited you for fifty whole years. He was in my head and I had to keep the order running and I just... 
I just forgot. 
I brought you something, a computer. I don't know if it would work, and I don't know if you'd remember me, but I spent a week teaching you how to use it. You probably won't remember me. You never do remember me. But you seemed to be okay learning how to do the basics. 
I... May be taking you out soon. Theta has begun to find out about you. He runs the proxies and someone like you... A proxy who isn't controlled by Father. Who can't even see him. 
It is useful to him and I can't stop him if he decides to. Not on my own. 
I have a plan though. A plan to end it all and in the coming time, I will need your help. 
When I read the last one.
It all became clear to me.

That was what I was.
A proxy's proxy.

I did the blurs bidding without even knowing about it.

And now I do?
I don't care.

I am not afraid.

So today I will leave the office.

The office that has trapped me for so long.

I will go

And I will open the door.

I am Ember Fay

and I am Mother

and I am grief

and I am love

and I am free.


  1. Well that probably doesn't bode well for me.

    1. Huh. Didn't expect to ever see you back. Sorry about your boyfriend

    2. I would suppose not.
      Duckie didn't get the good death he wanted.

    3. Duckie died so the kids he tortured could live. It was a decent-ish death.

    4. You shot him in the back of the head.

      He would have wanted to die fighting

    5. Unfortunately I couldn't take him in a fair fight.

  2. We have much to discuss, sweetheart. I hope to be in contact with you soon.

    1. Discussing.

      If I knew who you were,
      I could understand.

      But because I don't,
      it could be either.


      Forgive me if I assume threat over friendship.

  3. You are an enigma in many ways. But I am delighted to see one big piece of the puzzle getting resolved.