A Proof of Concept.

I awoke in the early afternoon.

to the sound of fighting outside in the snow.

Two men arguing over who should be partnered up.

Then punches got thrown.

I looked at them, 

looked at West.

We both walked through the gathering crowd.

I stepped between them.

I told them that there are no partners.

No secrets.

Someone screamed why they thought I should be in charge.

After what happened with Duckie.

After I killed someone who was close to all of us.

One of them draws a knife to stab me.
I kill him.
I said I felt stronger now.
I have told them all before.

I say that I will free them.
And I will do that.
But is not a democracy.

It is my way or the road.

No more half measures.
No more assassination attempts.
Theta, either come and face me.
Or we will come and find you.

A Little to Report

We keep moving.
We keep fighting.
I understand though.
He has control of the loop.

We can just wait until he runs out of mooks.
Or those mooks decide to join us.
Any war is one of attrition.
That is what this is.

I am being melodramatic.

No... No I am not.

None of what happened before has happened.
I have been coping otherwise.
I still cannot focus on the thing I call "blur."
I am uncertain if it is fear of pain or a physical limitation that stops me.

Salome taught me with knives.
The trick being to cut them many times.
Then go for the killing blow when they cannot resist.

It is odd not ignoring that and going for the quickest option.
A quick death feels more humane.
Though the idea of being humane does not fit with this.
It is not one person, but an order we must kill...

If duc



Nevermind.

An Absence

I fell asleep.
I went crazy
and violent
and then I fell asleep.

At least that is what McKay tells me.

Every time they moved.
I would start murmuring something.
And then I would sleep again.

"Ember. I love you Ember."

Not Duckie's voice.
Someone elses.
Tau's?
Jules?

Too much to think about.

He told me.
That was my last memory.
He told me I was Ember from the past.
He told me he was Jules.

Jules Chenier.
He gave me one last letter.

Then I killed him.
I...
He asked me to kill him.
Why did I kill him?

I feel stronger now.

A kitten.

West does not wish me to tell you this.
But he has a weakness for cute animals it seems.
A few days ago I heard a mewing from the alleyway.
And there it was, a kitten.

A white and ginger ball of fluff.
Maybe two months old?

West took it in,
looked after it.
I do not think it likes me.
It scratched me.

So we have a pet.

I call it cat.
West calls it...
I do not recall what West calls it.
He calls it something else anyway.


I do not like cats much.
They play with their food.
I prefer animals that go for the throat.
A quick death is better than a laboured one.


Oh.

Also I was attacked
when I found the kitten.
Tore the stitches in my belly.

I do not recognise the attacker.
It was someone new,
maybe someone who thought
that a kitten is a perfect trap.

And it was a very good one.

We have moved on now.

A loss

I have been through a lot.
I have killed to survive.
I have killed for others.
I have killed for myself.

Tau came here.
Met us.
He looks ancient.
He is balding, weakened greatly.

It is like he is withering away since he left the office.

I have to help him stand.
I asked him why he sent the letters.
That was what West told me.

He knew.

Tau said "To get you to know you."

A killer. To get me to know a killer.
Me.

I asked him who was Jules.
But he would not answer.

Whilst I was asleep,
wounded,
my duckling had gone off.
He was attempting to kill the highest.

He succeeded and he paid for it.
He paid for it with his life.

It is amusing.
Our plans are somewhat the same.
Only our outcomes will be so different.
They must.

I do not wish to die.
But serving the blur gives only one end.
I... It is getting less difficult.
I sometimes hear it said.

Normally it is garbled,
but if I listen hard.
Focus.
Sometimes they say "Sle





































West here, we were downstairs when Ember just screamed like a fucking howler monkey, went foetal on the bed and passed out. McKay can't explain it. We talk about... Upper Management in a different name and Ember suddenly looks distracted. Calls it a humming in his ear, like a fly bouncing around in your brain.

I don't think it is safe for Ember to use that name. Tau said it happened last time.

Gotta go, Tau's calling a meeting. I'm not giving numbers, but more come each day.

None of us want to kill any more. None of us want to place our partner's ashes with the thousands that lie there already.

Ember's stable. McKay, he chose the new name so we can call him something, fixed the kid up. Apparently he keeps holy water and prayer and shit like that for instances like Ember's wound. Still no news on Tau.

Bye

I don't like this blog but I figured you'd all want to know. Ember went to sleep the night of the last post and then never woke up. Ember had been fucking hiding the infection from me, by the time we found out, Ember was feverish and the wound was covered in this black gunky stuff.

Yeah... This isn't the kind of infection we were treating Ember for. You know, the normal kind... In fact it's kind of a surprise that the kid didn't get infected since before now. Though I suppose the constant resets The Office gave helped with that.

I can't tell you where we are, or even who we're with. Because that could be used to track us.

Ember will be fine and apart from Penny's stab wound, the others are healing well enough.

Now, onto the second order of business or whatever the fuck it is.

In regards to Ember's little comment about normality last post having people talk in the comments about it.

I can't speak for Ember but I can speak for myself. My parents were killed by this Order and they gave them me to look after.

I didn't have to kill. I had another choice. I could die as originally planned. Ember and I have more things in common than I'd like to admit. Every kill I did, every person I took out of normality and showed them what it was like to have their neck broken. I told myself that it was different. I was killing to survive.

I never wanted it though, I had the same fucking thoughts as Ember. Looking a third option. One that stopped me killing, and moved the fucking gun away from my head.

I've seen people die who made the same promises as Ember, but with Tau on our side. With Ember still alive. I'm gonna bet my life with them. Even if it's a slim fucking chance and a stupid idea now. I made my move. I aint gonna be taken back.

West